Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Let's Talk About God.

There are several things I try to avoid talking about with people: religion and politics.

I find that it's best to understand other people's beliefs, whether it be in the Godlike or state side. Understanding of others helps us understand ourselves. Large-scale empathy, so to speak.

Here's my story, in a nutshell.
I grew up LDS in Southern California, and, as I later realized, I went to church for others and not for myself. I was social and wanted to be around others for the benefit of being around others, not for the benefit of being spiritual. I found it to be a plus and not the primary reason.

When I went to BCT (basic combat training) for the Army last summer I prayed often and feared the unknown even more. Each Sunday morning I would go to Church. We were given a set of mini scriptures that I carried around with me everywhere in my side cargo pocket. It was the only thing I was allowed to read besides my blue book. I needed as much uplifting and motivation as I could get.

I don’t go to Church as much as I used to, for my own reasons, but I still love my Heavenly Father. I overcame some of my biggest fears, mentally and physically, at training last year, and I truly don’t think I could have done it without knowing God the way I do now.

I read a lot of Alma (from the Book of Mormon) because it’s filled with war stories, and well, I figured that was relatable at the time. I also read 1 and 2 Timothy. It’s inspiring, and it kept me grounded with the wisdom I needed to hear whenever I felt like giving up, which was an everyday thing, mind you. I still can’t understand how some people got through BCT so easily. I know several people who thought it was a breeze and said they’d do it all over again.

It was a learning and intense life experience. It was 10 weeks of soreness, pain, long days and seemingly short nights on the top bunk.

It feels like a dream now that it’s done, but there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about it.
Obviously, I'm into CrossFit. A good handful of CrossFit athletes are incredibly open about their beliefs, in God or otherwise, and several of them have scriptures posted to their twitters, on shirts, or just tattooed to their sides. As it so happens, one of my favorite athletes (but I mean, really - I feel like I'm singling out a favorite child), Rory Zambard, sometimes shares great scriptures, and the one she shares most frequently is 2 Timothy 1:7 – “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
These are the simplest words to live by. I understand that the bible is interpreted different ways. For me, a person who used to worry about everything and fear the unknown, these words saved my life. As with BCT, not a day goes by that I don’t think about this scripture or some of the others in this book (2 Timothy 1:3, 12-14, 2:3-4, 7). I grew up reading KJV, but I think the point gets across whichever version you read.

Words can affect our state of mind or spirit, and even our entire outlook on life, in some cases.
I’m a word nerd. I love words.



I believe that words can change the world, and have already done so countless times throughout history. Disregard the religious aspect of these scriptures if you would like, but don’t argue that they do not have meaning.

I wrote quotes in the back of my little notebook that I was required to carry with me at BCT. Quotes, scriptures, things people said that kept me thinking positive. I read them over and over throughout every single day I was there.

Words kept me from quitting. Words keep me thinking that everything is okay, because it is. Sometimes we think too much about too many things, and the words we read or hear distract us and bring us back to where we need to be.

Our minds are strange things. We are able to think whatever it is that we want to think, but our thoughts so are influenced by what surrounds us that we forget to think for ourselves sometimes. However, sometimes the thoughts that are not ours are the best ones we will ever know.

I think everything happens for a reason. I don’t have regrets and I am not afraid of the unknown because I know that whatever happens will happen, and I will adapt accordingly and make the best of things. The way we each interpret different events determines how we enjoy (or don’t enjoy, unfortunately for some) living our lives.

I let words effect me in the most positive ways I know how to let them, and I am a better person for it.
I never gave much thought to talking to people about God. I don’t often express my love for Him or discuss religion, like I said. However, I think it is safe to say that I would not be who I am without Him, and I don’t mind letting everyone know once in a while.

Believe what you want to believe. I can only hope that your beliefs make you happy and bring about good things for you and those who you surround yourself with.

Be happy and love life. Life is most definitely better when you love living it.


Song of the day:

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Stay For the Struggle

If you’re going to leave so soon the least you could do is say goodbye.

Jokes, no need to get emotional, folks. In all seriousness, I can’t stand it when people leave their box before everyone is done with the workout.

Okay, circumstantial. If you have somewhere to be, you have somewhere to be. But otherwise, sit your ass down and chill for 15 more minutes until us slow pokes are finished. I’m sure your body could do with a good stretch and roll before you continue on with your day.

I’m very often one of the last people in my class to finish the WOD. I’m getting better, but all in good time; that’s a whole other realm to write about at a later time.

This morning was the first time it had actually bothered me even though it happens every single time. The people who finish first seem to book the hell out of there, maybe saying a quick “bye” and “thank you” to the coaches.

Y’all. Come on. One of my favorite things about CrossFit is how motivating everyone is to each other, and even if there are two people who are ten minutes behind the cool kids, we still want a little encouragement now and then.

Not every time, calm down. Like I said, if you can’t stay, you can’t stay, but at the very least take the two seconds to walk over to the last worker-outers and say a “You got this!” or some inspiring shit like such. You just did the workout and you know how much it sucked, so take into account how much it sucks for a longer amount of time than what you threw up onto the white board.

Each person’s intensity is relatively the same. What I put into my workout is what I get out of it, and whatever Jim over there puts into his ring dips is the same as the girl that killed it Rx’d and finished three minutes before anyone else in the class.

We are all different but we all feel the same in those moments that we strive to complete something that makes us all struggle equally.

Back to my point: Don’t leave without saying something, and if you can wait, please do. Support those whom you shared that struggle with at the start until they reach the very end. It is incredibly disheartening to be one of the last two people left in the box with the coach. It shouldn’t be, but it is. If you don’t care about the people you work out with on a daily basis then start caring. We all clearly have a shared interest in something. We continue to put ourselves through CrossFit, there’s bound to be something else to relate to. You don’t have to establish a besty status with anyone, by any means, it’s fine. Just - you know - care.
We’re only human, but we’re also CrossFitters, which means there is so much more to us than meets the eye. Find out what that is. Don’t be socially awkward with your class after you just shared such an emotional and physical experience together. The shared experience is the closest you can get to intimacy without taking off more than just your shirts. It’s a non-physical intimacy. It’s an understanding that everyone could do what we are doing if they wanted to, but we are the ones who are doing it.

Share that, even if it's just with a fist bump at the end of the WOD when one of you is laying on the floor because the other finished seven minutes ago. That's probably the most motion you can make with your hand after all of those toes-to-bars, anyhow.

 Song of the day
 

I Will Always Be the Last To Leave

Now this can be seen as a positive or a negative. I like to focus on the former.
When I started CrossFit it scared me. It made me nervous and gave me anxiety to work out in front of people whom I deemed so much more fit than I. Being the judgmental human being that I am, I automatically assumed that every single person in that box thought the same way I did.
As any person with a motivational soul will tell you, those other people are not the focus of your work out; you are. In my mind, CrossFit is firstly about the internal competition. Man vs. Himself before Man vs. Man becomes a thing. Pardon my use of literary themes to explain myself, although it is the best way I know how to explain anything. The last time I had a job interview I used the example of “Ender’s Game” to explain how I felt about empathy. Anyway, I’m digressing, as usual.
My first actual WOD in a class at CrossFit Dixie went terribly and made me feel like I was on the verge of death, as anyones first WOD does.
But I knew I could do better if I focused on the technique of what I was doing rather than wondering if the person two spots away from me noticed how far behind everyone I was. They didn’t, and they never do. This should be one of the only times in your life in which you should be stoked that no one gives a shit about you or what you are doing at that particular moment in time. Once I came to that realization that no one cared about what I was doing unless I asked them to look, I felt much freer about everything I did from then on.
On a side note, I think that is why I don’t enjoy regular gyms anymore. You know, those places with machines and mirrors. I tend to at least stay away from the gym during the time window in which the high school football/baseball/rugby players invade and stare at themselves doing bicep curls and incorrect power cleans. I think my shift in focus toward technique vs. quantity and weight has given me OCD in that sense.
However, I can’t say I dislike the high school kiddos for being there. At least they’re there. But when I see them doing things wrong and then telling all their friends how to do the thing the wrong way is kind of the equivalent of me saying “At least you’re reading a book,” because you picked up a copy of “Fifty Shades of Grey”.
image
I’ve completely lost what I was talking about, I apologize. Let’s recap.
  • Don’t worry what people think because they don’t care what you’re doing while they’re in the middle of their third set of box jump burpees.
  • Focus on how you are doing it, not how many you are doing. Y’all don’t want to get hurt because you are eager to hit that weight that is way too much for you.
Obviously, go hard during your work out, whatever it is, but don’t get cray, as the kids say. If you know how to do it correctly then start adding that weight and building up that max rep count. Recovering from an accidental injury because you think you are unstoppable is not worth a little extra time improving on the fundamentals.
Which brings me back to my original point: I was always the last to finish. Always. Still am. At first, I could feel my pride smoldering away and getting discouraged, but then I started staying at the box long after everyone else had finished and gossiped with their friends and left the premises. From there, I started always being the last to leave.
I work on technique most of the time, but there were weeks during which I would stay after the class and just doing an extra 100 pull-ups with a resistance band to build up strength. During those times I would still focus on how I was doing the specific movement rather than how quickly I got it done.
This morning I did a WOD containing power cleans. I injured my left arm about a month ago and this week has been the first week since then that I’ve even attempted cleaning again. I noticed my elbows were weird, as they used to be when I first started lifting. After the workout I drank a protein shake and a bottle of water, chilled for a few minutes, then focused on my elbows for a few reps. Then I noticed my pull could be better. I looked at that for a bit. I eventually added more weight and did a few sets of cleans and front squats.
By this point everyone was gone and the coach was in the front office, having left me to my own devices, though I’m sure he would’ve been more than willing to watch my form if I’d asked him. I have before.
Who cares when you finish? As long as you do better the seventh time than how you did the first time, I’d call that improvement. Give it all you’ve got, but feel comfortable with what you’re doing. As long as you are fully paying attention to what you are doing you will do your best.
Do it right first, then do it better the second time.
Also, read good books.
Cheers.
 Song of the day:

Not sure what it is about this song but it makes me feel a lot of feels. Enjoy.

[originally posted on http://ozonated.tumblr.com/]

Saturday, August 25, 2012

30

So. In terms of my health, I'm eating well and going to the gym at least 4 days a week. Since February of this year, I've lost 30 pounds. So far.

The food I eat is less than exciting, generally boring and dull, though if I can add some flavor to things, I definitely do. Sorry I don't have any pictures! I'm also drinking smoothies, in the morning if I'm not feeling up to solid foods, and protein shakes after workouts, you know the drill.

Other than that? Work, and now school. I'm only taking four classes, but they'll take up a lot of time. A good amount of reading from all of them, and I'm not really a fast reader, so that seems slightly intimidating. But the good news is that all of my professors are fabulous! At least good enough to make me want to listen to lectures on Geography and American Government.

When I get the chance, I draw, and I'm practicing my watercolour painting a bit. I've had a bit of artist's block lately, so I'm really just remaking older drawings with the painting added. If anyone has any recommends or requests for drawings let me know! I'm always looking for a new challenge, of course when I have the time.

Speaking of time, it is indeed past time for bed. Cheers.

Movies&TV: Short and sweet. Dark Knight Rises was pretty sweet, aka Joseph Gordon-Levitt was fab. I watched the entirety of the show "White Collar" in a matter of about 5 days. Thinking about going back to watching Battlestar Galactica again (only about 3 episodes in since last time), or else diving right in to X Files. There are some good looking movies coming out, for sure, including but not limited too, The Paperboy. And some others. that I can't think of because I'm tired and too lazy to look things up.

Books: I started reading Occult America a few weeks back, which was interesting and feel of conspiracy and history, but didn't get to finish because school started. And I try not to read for fun during school time. BUT my Writing for the Media text book is fairly well written and I'm actually enjoying reading it. Can't really say the same for Physical Geography.

Music: I got Metric's new album in physical form at Target the other day because it was on sale. Even though I've heard it loads already on Spotify, I can't stop listening to it. Brilliant band. Other than that - nothing. Soz.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Can't Keep Me Down

I am grateful to be where I am, but I feel...stuck. I'm practically back where I started before I went to New Zealand: Living in St. George and working at a restaurant. Sure, I'll be going back to school in the fall to finish up my Associates, but then what? I have plans. I always have plans. I've given up on sharing my plans because they always change, and I'm tired of getting my own hopes up when my plans that I actually try and make a reality fall flat.
In the past few years I've felt highly discouraged for a number of reasons, mainly things having to do with not getting into schools, or getting into them but not being able to go. But like I said, I'm grateful. I got to go to New Zealand for nine months! It was amazing! A huge life experience that I'll have memories from for a long time to come. But it didn't exactly further my plans.

My problem is this: I want to have a career that I love and wont get tired of after just three years. This is hard for me because I really don't think I'll be truly happy doing just one thing with my life, but also, I really think I need to start doing something in order to get the ball rolling, you know? I just need to figure out what.

I don't like where I live, which I'm fairly certain I've made evident to the world in every way possible, and neither do I much enjoy the school I attend, though it is being spiffed up a bit right now, which is nice. I'm quite keen to explore the new library once that's finished with. Anyway, it doesn't offer what I want. I want art, but for some odd reason, the universe has decided to be ironic and make art one of the most expensive fields to learn in yet, generally, the least paid profession where art is concerned. Now, lucky for me, Utah has several very good schools with excellent art departments. The only trouble now is to apply and get in.

Besides working on my art itself and working and going to school, my near future will be focused on these schools. It's incredibly hard for me to find motivation in things that involve a lot of steps like applying for a new school, especially since I've done it three times before, which is mainly why I blogging about it, so that hopefully I can hold myself to it.


I'm excited for the future. I'm still feeling slightly discouraged, but grateful, and I'm trying to balance everything out so as not to feel to sad about where I am right now. I need to move forward.


Cheers.





Sunday, July 8, 2012

Old News

My mom, brother, and I visited Ventura, California, my home town, about a month ago. We were there for about 5 days, which is nowhere near long enough. I saw a few friends which was nice, and got to spend time with family, but it was all so quick. But easily worth the long drive to and from. 



I spent a bit of one day in Ojai with my cousin, Jenna, and her friend, Pippa, and her friends, who are also cousins, and Pippa's other friend from Ojai. It was the perfect day, not too hot, which it tends to get up there during the summer time. 



We went on a bit of a hike and then to this small pond on Pippa's property, where we kayaked and went swimming and I may or may not have tipped a kayak once or three times. Regardless, it was a blast! 

I also went to a wedding while I was there and saw old family friends a bunch, and the whole long weekend was just fab. I just wish I could go back more often. 

Since being home I've been working quite a bit, but also having fun on my free time. And when I say fun, that does in fact include paying someone to stab me with tiny needles. 


The actual tattoo getting is somewhat less than fun, but I spent a good amount of the day in good company and exploring awesome artwork, planning out the future of my lower left leg. I'm very excited for it. 

In terms of food? I'm trying to actually eat breakfast, and one thing I tried that doesn't make me feel to sick in the mornings is a small amount of steel cut oats, maybe half a cup once cooked, with diced berries and fruit (bananas, nectarines, what have you), and about 3 spoonfuls of vanilla yoghurt. Mix it all together and it looks disgusting but tastes delicious. 





Andddd that's it bye.

Cheers.



Music right now: I've been listening to Brand New, most specifically, The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me. But also everything else by them. I've been closing at work lately so I listen to music then, but mostly dubstep or rap or something more upbeat. And right this second? Mineral came up on shuffle which makes me nostalgic for some reason. Just one of those things, I guess.

Movies and TV right now: Moonrise Kingdom was underwhelming in the sense that it was quite good but not the kind of good I was expecting it to be. GREAT cast, as usual in Wes Anderson films, but the story was just kind of eh. Well made and well done to everyone though, I'll definitely see it again sometime, but it didn't replace Royal Tenenbaums as my number one.
For some reason I thought that I'd seen Ugly Betty before but I had not, so now it's my go-to on Netflix. Though I do need to catch up on Pretty Little Liars, but all of the episode descriptions are too cryptic that I don't know which one I left off at.

Reading right now: Henry Rollins. And of course, still, Jane Eyre.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Hey there.

When I logged on just now I was surprised to see that I haven't posted in a month. Whoops.

Well, I did have the best intensions, I even took cool pictures of my yummy meals once and a while. I went out of town this last weekend, so I obviously needed to slack off then, but everything prior to that..I have no excuse.

Alas, I've been scheduled to work about a million and two hours this next week, and possibly the next, so I don't see the chances of me writing here in the next week improving. Though I do love the hours, and I'm grateful for a job, it's tough on the body to work in the kitchen. Quite exhausting.


Other than work, I sleep, draw, and sometimes get around to reading Jane Eyre, which I am certain is going to take me at least another 5 months to finish. I love the book, don't get me wrong, I just read at an insanely slow pace. I have also had a chance to see a few movies lately, and I'd like to say that I was not disappointed. Snow White and The Huntsman was crazy cool. It was a visually awesome movie, despite how dark it is. But I think that may be the appeal, it's a bit different and darker than the stories we've all been used to. The acting wasn't too bad either, and I quite enjoyed the casting where the dwarves are concerned. Good choices, indeed.

Of course, neither Moonrise Kingdom or Hick are out in my town, but if they were I'd attend them in a heartbeat. I never got around to seeing Dark Shadows or Prometheus, not yet anyhow; I've heard extremely mixed reviews about both and it is swaying my confidence, so to speak. If I ever get a free day that matches up with the somewhat inconvenient timing of the movies at the more indy-film theatre, I'll go see Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, or possibly Salmon Fishing in The Yemen, seeing as that has been there for about two months now.


I hope everyone enjoys their weekend and upcoming week, sorry I don't have any updates other than movie stuff. Honestly, I think the most thrilling thing that happened to me recently was flipping three times in a kayak that I didn't know how to get into. So there's that.

Cheers.


Books right now: Jane Eyre, but I'm also trying to re-read Eragon this summer. I'll most likely finish it by Christmas.

Movies and TV right now: I remembered that 90210 is on Netflix, so that's happening more than it probably should, though season 3 is shaping up to be much better than the first two. Other than that I'm just waiting for Doctor Who and Downton to come back. Oh, and Dexter. I haven't watched True Blood yet, but I'm sure I'll find a minute to do so in the near future.

Also, Game of Thrones season two just ended and I felt that that last episode was entirely too anticlimactic. And it was honestly kind of...well boring. Soz. BUT I'M STILL EXCITED FOR NEXT YEAR SO CALM DOWN.

Music right now: Not much more than normal. I was listening to A Very Long Engagement soundtrack today, which is always nice. I highly recommend it, and the movie, of course. One of my ultimate favorites. I say ultimate because I have a lot of favorites, but this is easily able to be place at the top of the list. I've also been listening to Figure's Monsters of Drumstep songs, which are pretty neat if you're into Drum/Dubstep.